Get up, stand up...

Happy 2009!

2009-01-25T15:25:58Z

I hope you're all doing just magnificently. Besides the fact that my best friend in the whole wide world moved away at the beginning of the month, this year hasn't been too bad. I got another job (working in Marketing at the college as their jack-of-all-trades student), I'm not blind (yet?), and I've finally begun to feel like I'm 'officially' becoming an engineer (for me, this moment came when it was 11:21pm Thursday, I was at Christy and Eric's working on a math assignment while he worked on something for hydraulics class and we both sat quietly with the clickety-click of our calculators making the only sound).

I finally got a hair cut yesterday but should point out that this was only after Angie's little sister (I tutor both of them on weeknights) noticed some of my hairs were actually breaking in half. I also dyed it and feel like it is too dark/severe but will wash it with Neutrogena this morning in hopes that it fades.

I have to keep this short but I want to post something hilarious for you. There is a blog that exists where women send in photos and corresponding stories of guys who are the biggest douchenozzles and also shitty in the sack. It's quite funny, and the pictures are slightly censored so that no one 'gets hurt.' It's called "I Bang The Worst Dudes (Sorry Mom)":

i bang the worst dudes

Check it.

Love you,
Stephenie

elaine_cixous @ 2008-12-05T15:59:00

2008-12-05T21:00:35Z

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. Things with school have been a little insane lately. Anyone who tells you that going to college instead of university will be easier is either simply lying or hasn’t ever taken a program with the word “engineering” in its title. Before school started, many of my friends who had already been to college told me that it was so easy that I’d barely have to try. In all fairness, I suppose they didn’t realize that, in a single week, I would have four hours of math class, two hours of math tutoring, six hours of electrical math/labs (labs require a ton of prep work and mathematical calculations), and three hours of digital (digital algebra, called Boolean Algebra, is tough man) in any given week. And yes, it is incredibly demanding and more challenging than anything I’ve ever done in my life, but I love the program overall and am seeing it through as best I can. I’ve also been thinking of taking the optional third year for my program which would change my title from Technician-Computers to Technologist-Computer Control. I spoke with one of the students who is currently taking the third year, and he made the comparison that if I did take the third year, the math I’d be doing then would make the math I’m doing now “look like 1+1=2.” Not particularly encouraging for a girl who stopped taking math as soon as she could when she was in high school, but my love for what I’m doing and will likely be doing after I’m finished school is such that I just keep on plugging away at the math until it makes sense to me.
In other, less boring news, my sister will be home the day after I finish ‘exams,’ the 18th. I can’t wait to see her- she was only home for two days at Thanksgiving. I think she’s been having a pretty miserable time as of late, and it’s really difficult for me to hear about it and not physically be there to cheer her up. I think she’ll be home for about two weeks. The only problem is that at the end of the holidays, Angie will be leaving for good. I mean, she is going to Vancouver to do her 3rd year multimedia placement, but since Rich already lives there and she’s spent her summers there in order to be with him, she is moving permanently. I don’t like to talk about it too much since it’s so horribly depressing for me. I’m going to be lost without her.
Oh, and a quick crafty update: I finished Angie’s scarf but it turned out terribly and I sort of hate it and likely won’t give it to her. I started Christy’s scarf for the third time this weekend because I’m a bad knitter and didn’t make a swatch of the yarn before getting started. It’s on its way, though. Eric’s scarf is about a quarter of the way finished and looks awesome. My sister wants legwarmers (because she lives in Winterpeg) and I haven’t even started them yet. If I can manage to crank all of the above projects out before Christmas actually comes as well as do my exams (three of my classes technically have two exams- one theoretical, and one practical) and not totally lose it, I’ll be in good shape.

Engineering is for lovers.

2008-11-09T15:40:07Z

This lady is my hero

I think you should read about Grace Hopper if you've never heard of her, because she was incredible, smart as a whip, and deserves more followers.

I dyed my hair again this week and no one noticed. That's okay, though, because the change was meant to be subtle and to get me close to my natural colour.

Last week I had my digital engineering test, and I got my mark back on Friday. I was obviously disappointed (I say 'obviously' because the only way I'd be happy is if I received 80% or higher, and this is my first semester of my first year of an engineering program, where I'd previously been an arts and humanities kid), but vow never to stop working at it. I think it would have been nice if they hadn't waited until November to test us on everything we've learned since the school commenced, but then again, I don't run the program.

This week I physically installed a hard drive, formatted it, and created virtual drives using DOS in my Computer Systems class. You may be wondering why we use DOS (sometimes I do, too)- DOS and its commands are incredibly important for people in Engineering Tech to know because (depending on our co-ops/placements/eventual careers) we may have to work on/fix terminals in industrial settings that not only don't have a mouse but require everything hooked up to it to be backwards-compatible as these terminals and machines have worked for years on DOS and no one is about to change them since they still work, and need to keep working consistently, all day, every day. Anyhow, it was a pretty fun lab. Also, after reading the fine print on my grounding wrist strap (you have to wear it when working with electronic components in lab- it plugs into grounded terminals on the work benches and connects you safely to ground), I found that the cable that connects the strap and its banana-plug has lead in it. Interesting.

Today I finished one person's xmas scarf- that means I only have two more scarves and a pair of legwarmers (for my sister in Winterpeg) to pump out. My carpal hurts, but I'm too poor to buy people presents.

I guess I don't have much more to report right now. I have to get ready to go to the gym with Angie soon. Take care.

/Stephenie

elaine_cixous @ 2008-11-05T09:15:00

2008-11-05T14:40:02Z

I Have A Dream is now A Reality.

I don't know what else to say. Did anyone else in the modern world not watch last night?

Oh Barack Obama, so many people are going to have so much to say about your victory. Certainly, the McCaininites have booed your victory and will continue to call you down (by McCaininites, I mean the rich, white, straight, religious, republican, ignorant, or a combination of the above). Please be careful, as I'm sure there will be threats on your life and the life of your family. I don't believe that you are the next coming of the Messiah as some do (Oprah), but I think that you are a damned fine politician (if that can exist), an excellent speaker, and have proved that you are able to move the hearts and minds of the American people. And no, you weren't a prisoner of war, but that doesn't matter. Having been held in a prison camp at one point in your life does not a good American President make. I know that you're not really a Socialist like they say you are; wanting every kid in America to have access to the same basic education is by no means socialist (while forcing everyone to have the same education would be)- I know you're a capitalist, and I'm okay with that. I know you're not going to save America in mere months, but your victory alone has literally given millions of people hope. I have hoped and will continue to hope that Roe V. Wade isn't overturned in America- since America has led by example since at least 1945, overturning the decisions of such a monumentous case would literally send women everywhere back to the days of dangerous, underground abortions. Thank you for campaigning so well- there's no doubt your campaign lead to your victory. Thank you, America, for making the right goddamned choice this time. Congratulations, President-Elect Obama.

See what your victory has done to me? It's turned me into a blubbering, rambling mess, Mr. President. For the first time in the last eight years, I'm not ashamed to be in such close proximity to America. Your speech made me cry, and I'm not even American. I believe that this election and all of its occurrences has set the precedent for women (no thanks to Palin) to be unafraid of discussing their politics with fervor and passion. I wish you had chosen Hilary as your Vice, but I understand your decision. I believe in you and I never, ever believe in politicians. Please don't let us down.

Famously, Martin Luther King Jr. said "I have a dream." I wish he could be here today to be a witness to this.

/Stephenie

elaine_cixous @ 2008-11-04T21:23:00

2008-11-05T02:51:11Z

Some days I feel like if I were to make a livejournal post it would just be embittered ranting.

Viva Long Weekends.

2008-10-19T20:46:01Z

This weekend was a long weekend for me since Confederation College's School of Engineering Technology (my faculty) finally got a $13M grant; Friday all teachers had to attend a meeting to figure out how best to spend the money and so it was classified as an "independent study day." It was probably a good idea to give the tekerson tech kids a break considering the fact that this week I have three electrical labs to prep for and perform (and not electrocute myself), my second math test (here's hoping I don't fail), a practical exam in computer systems (primarily on DOS, which is great for all the guys who had DOS PCs when they were kids whereas I didn't), a digital quiz and lab and homework, and a test in my proficiency at Microsoft Office 2007 (don't ask).

Last weekend was Thanksgiving up here in Canadialand. My boyfriend's folks still have their larger-than-life trailer parked out on the Sleeping Giant, and we went for dinner. The turkey was deep-fried, which I found out doesn't mean that it's cooked like an onion ring; rather, the turker is submersed in boiling oil and due to the intense heat of said oil, the turker cooks at a rate of about two pounds per minute. It tasted just fine, but I somehow got super-sick after dinner and hung around the Sleeping Giant Provincial Park flush toilets for a few hours. Prior to dinner, Matty and I took a walk around the park to take pictures of the changing foliage:

elaine_cixous @ 2008-10-16T14:55:00

2008-10-16T18:58:19Z

So the election is over. While you can be sure I didn’t vote Conservative, I can also report that I didn’t vote Liberal or NDP either. I’m still not sure how I feel about Thunder Bay’s election of two NDP incumbents; while it is excellent to see that my fellow Bayers have removed their heads from their asses and realized that the NDPs probably had/have the best plan for working class communities, it’s also disheartening to know that our city will be represented by backbenchers. Yes, I distrust Stephan Dion as much as the next level-headed individual, but having no representation in the official opposition party means that few of the issues that our region needs to have addressed will ever be heard. Regardless, congratulations to John Rafferty and Bruce Hyer. I wasn’t surprised in the least bit to see Rafferty win out over Liberal Ken Boschcoff in the Thunder Bay-Rainy River riding. Considering that ‘end of town’ is comprised largely of working class neighbourhoods (Westfort, Northwood, East End) and Rafferty only lost the last election by a measly thirty-three votes, he appeared ready for the election and its events.

After having visited the Prairies this summer, there are several reasons why I’m not at all surprised at their near-100% support of the Conservative party. During my brief stay in Saskatchewan, it became glaringly clear to me that I could never live in a province that raised animals to be killed and butchered while simultaneously displaying hundreds of “Abortion Stops A Beating Heart” billboards along its highway. As for Alberta, we’re all aware of the abundant wealth that is available there, so it’s also no surprise to see rich folk voting for a party that protects the interests of the rich, white, straight, male aged eighteen to sixty-five. From what I understand about our fortieth election, Stephen Harper’s decision to send Canadians to the polls only two years after the federal election was propelled by his hopes of having a majority government. This is of course the one and only result that was great to see in the election: not only did Harper not get the majority he wanted, this is the second time he has been head of a minority government and maybe (just maybe) he will be replaced as head of the party.

One of the biggest reasons I stand in opposition to Stephen Harper (besides the fact that I'm an science-believing woman) is his plan for the unabashedly fucking ridiculous Bill C-51. If you haven’t heard of Bill C-51 yet, then Harper’s been doing a good job of being the creepy little sneak he is and always has been. Bill C-51 proposes to CRIMINALIZE VITAMINS, MINERALS, AND HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS. This means that you won’t be able to go to your local health food store or giant mega mart and pick up a bottle of Vitamin C (or Echinacea) for that cold you’re battling or continue taking the St. John’s Wort (or 5-HTP) that has actually been helping your battle with depression and anxiety. You won’t be able to scoop up a refill of the Vitamin D you take in the winter to help with the lack of sun, get a tiny jar of Arnica (a homeopathic remedy) to help get rid of bruising or pain under the skin, or even get a bottle of multi-vitamins and minerals that you rely on to help get all of the nutrients you need. What Harper proposes is that you make a doctor’s appointment (which is always a fast and pleasant process here in Canada), see your doctor (who is likely to not ever prescribe a vitamin or supplement), get a prescription filled (hopefully they don’t fuck you over with the fees!) and take a sub-par product. There are so, SO many things wrong with this. Let’s make a list:

1.Vitamins are plant based. Any extra you consume that your body cannot absorb is discarded as waste. The only vitamin that can do you any harm if you take too much (and you’d have to take about two bottles) is Vitamin A- most people that want to hurt/kill themselves probably aren’t going to take a vitamin.

2.Harper proposes criminal charges be handed out to people who sell or distribute natural health products. This means that if you give your sick kid a Vitamin C tablet, you could go to jail. I propose that we maybe jail the doctors and pharmacists who misdiagnose and provide the incorrect synthetic pharmaceutical medication and get kickbacks and bonuses from Big Pharma companies. When’s the last time you heard of someone who had been harmed by their supplement or vitamin? When’s the last time you heard of someone who was sick because they took the wrong pharmaceutical? Exactly.

3.Since you’ll need a prescription, you’ll no longer have the option to select the brand or type of supplement you would like. Having only briefly worked in a health food/product store, even I know that some brands are better than others, some additives are more beneficial than others, and some forms of taking the vitamin/herb/supplement are better than others. While you have a choice to take the liquid iron supplement (which causes no constipation and is absorbed by the stomach in about half an hour), if Bill C-51 is passed, you’ll get what they give you.

Please spread the word to everyone you know about this proposed bill. Since the Conservatives have a minority government once more, hopefully they will face enough opposition to Bill C-51 and it will not be passed. I am absolutely disgusted by the idea of having to see my doctor (which usually takes a few weeks before I can get an appointment) to get some Vitamin B 12 prescribed to me (that I take because my diet lacks red meat) and get the prescription filled with a sub-par product, plus pay pharmacy fees. Do NOT let the Canadian government do this; they have already banned natural products that worked for people (see Red Yeast Rice, which worked fantastically to lower cholesterol but was banned because Big Pharma wasn’t making any money from it). It is up to you to decide what you put in your body.
I suppose that now that our election is over, we can all turn our attention to what’s going on in the States. I’m sure we’ve all been watching their electoral race even a little. Since I’ve already had my turn to ramble on about the results of our election, I just wanted to post a link to one of my favourite sites that has an “Open Letter” to John McCain:

My Health Is Not An Extreme Position

Check it.

I have to go drink a beer or two at Thisty Thursday in the school cafeteria now, so you take care.

-Stephenie

Are you restless like me?

2008-10-07T17:10:17Z

I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I’ve written. Things have been busy, naturally, with school being almost one month on. It may be hard to believe that I’ve been busy given the fact that I (still) don’t have a job. I also managed to get exemption credits for four general ed. credits (electives- at the college, they consist mostly of arts and humanities classes, which I have four years experience with) which will cover the next two years as well as exemption from CS 117, which I believe is technically called Communications but in layman’s terms is English. The English department took over three weeks ‘approving’ my exemption which I imagine was difficult for them (due to the lengthly process) given my degree in English.

Update: my exemption finally came through after an incredibly passive aggressive email was sent to the head of the English department here. Thanks for getting on it, betch.
In other news, the neurologist who was my doctor while I was in the hospital has finally gotten results back from Toronto (they sent a large quantity of my spinal fluid there for examination). I should probably be more anxious than I am; I received a notice in the mail saying that I have an appointment with Dr. Sher (the neurologist) on Tuesday the seventh. I figure that if there was something incredibly urgent, he’d have his staff get a hold of me right away. I have a minor conflict, though- I have my first electrical test that day, an hour after my doctor’s appointment is supposed to happen. Looks like I’m going to have to push that appointment back a little further since my electrical teacher; Jock Irwin (yes, like ‘Jock itch’ or ‘Jock strap’) isn’t very sympathetic or understanding.

Although I consider myself to be a huge fan and staunchly in favour of the development and distribution of free, open-source software, I have to be honest for a quick moment. Due to the fact that the first year in my program is not only incredibly difficult (there’s a 52% dropout rate because kids think they’re going to take something easy and get a good paying job without having to do loads of work), it is also very much concerned with theory. I’m not sure how many of you have previously worked with Electrical and Digital theory, but it’s tough shit. I only have five classes now that I’ve gotten out of my electives (Math, Digital, Electrical, Microsoft Office 2007 [yes, I realize the redundancy of taking such a class when I use Open Office anyhow, but it’s a compulsory course for everyone in the Technology and Engineering faculty] and Electronics), and I still struggle to get things finished. What I’m getting at is Microsoft Visio- it’s used by pretty well all of my teachers to create schematics and diagrams for handouts, quizzes and tests as well as PowerPoint presentations. I’m only just beginning to learn it because I was afraid it would be hard to use. Not only is it incredibly easy to use, it’s pretty well invaluable for the students in my program (trust me, I never thought I’d be saying that about another Microsoft product, either).

Although most of this post was written prior to today, I just finished my three-hour Digital class. Typically that class involves one hour of theory (usually in the form of a lecture) and then a lab assignment, where we configure a circuit board according to instructions and make sure that the outcome (normally in the form of an LED lighting up or remaining dark) is what it ought to be. Today we had a three-hour lecture, though, because we began Boolean Algebra. Most people would never know who George Boole was and I didn’t before I began school, either. George Boole created what is considered to be modern computer arithmetic, and he did so without even having the use of electricity (think 1850s). He was a mathematician and philosopher and, if I’m to believe his Wikipedia entry, is considered one of the ‘founding fathers’ of computer science mathematics. Anyhow, Boolean algebra basically consists of three laws and ten rules for working with binary numbers and various logic gates. I get to do what is referred to as Boolean reductions, where you take a large circuit and reduce it to its smallest form. I’ll give an example of what a Boolean reduction question may look like:

(Ā+Ā) ̅∙BCC ̅+AB+C ̅

The way you would read that aloud would sound something like “A barred ‘ored’ with A barred all negated, ‘anded’ with B ‘anded’ with C anded with C barred, ‘ored’ with A ‘anded’ with B, anded with C barred.” As for ‘anded’ and ‘ored,’ they aren’t real words but the only two functions you work with are AND and OR. I will be given equations like this and have to reduce them to their lowest terms. It’s hard.

Since “ditching” facebook (someone else’s word, not mine), I’ve actually gotten a lot of angry feedback from people, which I didn’t expect. This has included being confronted with questions of “why” over and over again as well as people wanting my reasoning but never accepting the explanation I give them. It’s very strange. I refuse to be bullied into reactivating my facebook, though, which is what one friend (I’m more likely to call her a ‘frenemy,’ though) tried to do.

I have a big test today in Electrical. Tests are structured very weird here at the College. Instead of going to class and writing tests and then having exams in the gym (or a separate room), all of the tests are scheduled from four to six in the evening. This makes it a long day for me since math begins at eight in the morning. I can’t leave school because I don’t have a car and it wouldn’t be worth it for me to take the bus home and back again to write the test. I just had lunch by myself which consisted of a fairly delicious calzone from the cafeteria. I can assure you that it was nowhere near as delicious as the calzone from Caesar’s Place (on Syndicate), but I needed something big to hold me over for the whole afternoon. I’m about halfway through another unbearably lonely day and have only a test to look forward to. I wish I could find a good spot to have a nap in this place, but I guess I should at least study a little bit more. The one thing I know for sure is that I’m not going to fail this test. You could quiz me right now on the topic of resistor colour codes, series circuits and Ohm’s Law, and I’d pass.

Over and out.

elaine_cixous @ 2008-10-05T10:41:00

2008-10-05T14:44:41Z

The skinny jeans, the leggings, the irony, the askewed hat; read this before you go any further:

Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization

Lauren, I miss you and hope you're doing super well. You had better ride a Vespa to the Rive Gauche for me!

Too much momentum...

2008-10-02T19:20:45Z

I just deactivated my facebook account, and it feels great. I'm working on a rather large post that is actually on my student drive at school; as soon as I'm finished, I'll post.

It's weird when you see someone that you never thought would drop to 'that level' wearing skinny-man-jeans, an emo cardigan, and a self-askewed hat. It's actually more disappointing than anything, to be honest.

Just so that it's out there, I'm working on losing sixty pounds.

More later, as promised.

Here's what happened:

2008-09-13T03:32:47Z

Yes, long time, no write. Sorry about that. Shit got real for a while and I ended up in the hospital in the Neurology wing. My eyesight is spotty and I told my doctor about it a few weeks back when I was in. He took a look and referred me to a retinal specialist. I went to my appointment with said specialist last week. They gave me some drops to dilate my pupils (I wish I had had a camera), the doctor there took a look around and then said he was going to make a quick call. I waited with my mother (who took me because I wasn't able to drive after the examination) and was called back into the doctor's office about five minutes later. He scribbled something on a pad of paper and using his thick accent and horrible bedside manner said something along the lines of:

"Take this and go to the Emergency Room right now. I've arranged for a Neurologist, Dr. Sher, to meet you there straightaway."

That was a little unnerving. It turns out the retina doctor saw that my optic nerves were swollen, but he didn't know why. I waited in Emergency and have a series of tubes of blood taken. Dr. Sher arrived quickly, asks hundreds of questions, and sends me for a CT Scan. He also indicates that I will be admitted so that an MRI can be done as soon as possible. Before being taken for the CT Scan, he told me that my symptom could be the cause of anything from a virus to Multiple Sclerosis.

Days later I was still in the hospital waiting for an MRI (they run the MRI machine twenty-four hours a day there). More blood is taken in what I think are incredibly large amounts. My IV is a constant source of pain since my veins are so deep. The MRI turns out to be actually less awful than people make it sound; they hooked my IV to some kind of dye so that my brain activity, etc. could be monitored while I was in the machine. They put what I called a "roll cage" on my head so that I couldn't move. It was loud and I was in for about half an hour to forty minutes. I was brought back to my room and Christy and Eric had sent flowers.

Dr. Sher came to see me again the next day indicating that the MRI was completely normal. He said that this is good because any tumors or cancer would have been visible, so I need not worry about that. He was there to drop a bomb, though- he wants to proceed with a Lumbar Puncture (or Spinal Tap) to completely rule out the possibility of MS and send my spinal fluid to Toronto for testing. I reluctantly agreed knowing that I'll never feel okay again knowing I could develop MS at any time. I was warned by hospital staff, Dr. Sher, my nurses, friends, and family about the pain factor of the procedure. Dr. Sher arranged to have a Radiologist do the Spinal Tap under X-Ray to eliminate the possibility of any minor mistake making me a paraplegic.

I spent one and a half days waiting and dreading when I'd be 'taken' for the procedure. Finally, a porter came for me on Friday afternoon. My dad came down with me to the radiology wing so that I wouldn't be alone when it was over. They painted up my back with that strange orange stuff and I laid on my side. The Radiologist came in and sat down next to where I was lying and the radiation techs had prepared the instruments he'd need. I was glad not to be facing any monitors because I didn't want to see any of the procedure. The doctor warned me before he began administering the local anesthetic- which was actually the most painful part. Since I couldn't see what he was doing, he explained it to me; the needle with the anesthetic pierced my back in several different places, and he injected it little by little as he went deeper. Incredible pain, but since I'd just had my tattoo finished on the middle of my upper back less than two weeks before, I was okay. Then it was quiet for a long time. I asked the doctor what he was doing finally, and he replied "Putting the giant needle as close to your spine as I can get." He extracted four 'vials' of spinal fluid.

After it was over, I was wheeled back to my room on a stretcher with my dad following behind. I had to lay flat on my back for at least an hour. Dr. Sher came in to see how I was doing and said he'd be getting results very shortly. He warned that I would likely have a headache since my brain was going to compensate for the amount of fluid that was taken by sending all of my 'reserves' to the spot the Spinal Tap was done. I didn't have a headache yet, though. When I checked it out later, there was only a very tiny mark from the puncture on my back.

Saturday morning Dr. Sher came in again to report that the results he got from the Lumbar Puncture were perfectly normal and he saw no reason to be worried about MS. I got to go home but had to take it easy. He wanted me on strict bed rest for ten days to two weeks but I explained that I'd already missed the first week of school and that if I missed any more I'd likely have to drop out. My mom picked me up and we went home.

All of the prescriptions had to be paid for out of pocket because the college drug plan doesn't cover me yet. I slept most of the day and was glad to be in my own bed. On Sunday I finally got to go see Matty at his house. The pain from my headache was so intense that I cried for a lot of the day and had to remain as still as possible to keep from feeling like my head was going to explode. Matty made sure I was as comfortable as I could be and even helped me take drinks from a glass of water. I have never been so happy to just spend time with him.

The results of all tests were normal but my symptom (eyesight) remains the same. No results have been returned from Toronto concerning my spinal fluid. I still feel just as fine as I did before I was admitted to the hospital with the exception of the spots in my vision.

I (finally) have a job interview tomorrow at Starbucks. When I went to purchase my math text today, my bank account had insufficient funds. The whole 'creative living on a budget of less than five dollars a day' is getting old fast. Also, the college's only coffee option is Tim Horton's, but more on the college next time.

Love ya.

All-encompassing.

2008-08-20T02:43:42Z

I want to post this simply because it's so pretty and makes my heart melt every time I hear it. 'This' is the last two lines/couplet of John Keats' Ode on a Grecian Urn:

"'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'"

It can be said in one breath but interpreted in a million different ways- but that's only one of the reasons I love it. Although I was 'half' an English major, I realize now that very little of my English studies have really remained with me and 'permeated my psyche,' if you will. I would be generous in saying that my third and second years of university contained the best English classes I could have hoped for. Really, I suppose that my spelling and grammar have stayed pretty decent, and I'm thankful for that, too. I'm also thankful for Dr. Alice Den Otter's having 'taught' this poem in my second year "The Romantics, pt. II" class. I'll likely never forget her nor this couplet as long as I live.

Night-night,
Stephenie

Not a soldier.

2008-08-17T05:30:56Z

I suppose you could say my adventure through a large part of Canada is over. We arrived back in Winnipeg last night, and I can safely say that this is the hottest and most humid place we've been to. My sister is naturally acclimatized to the heat and humidity in Winnipeg, but I don't deal with it very well. I sort of can't wait to get back to my city by the lake.

I'll try now to recap the entire trip and all of its stops. I began in Thunder Bay, of course, and flew into Winnipeg (which takes just under an hour- you're literally in the air for about half an hour before the plane begins its descent). So, here it is (or was), including all of the places we drove through/stopped for gas/visited because of Allie's work:

1. Winnipeg west to Brandon by way of the no. 1 highway
2. Brandon to Moosomin
3. Moosomin to Regina
4. Regina to Moose Jaw
5. Moose Jaw to Swift Current
6. Swift Current to Medicine Hat
7. Medicine Hat to Taber by way of the no. 3 highway
8. Taber northwest to Calgary by way of highway 36, back onto highway no. 1
9. Calgary to Banff
10. Banff to Red Deer by way of Calgary then north on the no. 2 highway
11. Red Deer to Edmonton
12. Edmonton to The Battlefords by way of the no. 16 (Yellowhead Trail) highway
13. The Battlefords to Saskatoon
14. Saskatoon to Lanigan
15. Lanigan to Fort Qu'Appelle
16. Fort Qu'Appelle to Yorkton by way of the no. 52 highway
17. Yorkton to Moosomin by way of the no. 16/Yellowhead Trail
18. Moosomin to Brandon by way of highway no. 1
19. Brandon to Winnipeg

We did it in about six days and stayed overnight in Regina, Calgary, Red Deer, and Saskatoon (two nights there). Although Allie had thought we'd be another day on the road, half of the crops she's working on were totally dead- as in, she gets an acre of the fields that these farmers own, flags them, sprays them, then goes back all summer to keep spraying/testing them. Remember how we thought we had a wet spring? Well, it was worse on the prairies and we drove by several fields that were literally covered in standing water. We got to one of the fields Allie has an acre of peas flagged in to find that the entire field (however many hundreds of acres) was dead- dried up, yellow pods of half-developed peas. The only thing we passed that had been harvested so far was Winter Wheat, but usually Canola and Flax and Spring Wheat are in bloom by now and what we saw was definitely behind.

Allison and her friend went to meet some friends of theirs at a bar downtown tonight. It sounded like some place I don't want to visit. I dropped them off with her friend's little car and got fucking super lost- I mean, I was in residential areas, got stuck in dead ends, drove past the places I know in this city over and over again...

-Wait, nevermind. I was also supposed to pick them up, and they just got back. They've only been gone two hours and my sister is so shitfaced that I'm embarassed for her. What a wreck.

I have to take care of some things.

Love,
Stephenie

"Would we (the global community) have let Nazi Germany host the Olympics?"

2008-08-14T19:06:16Z

The question is, naturally, rhetorical. Germany, under the Nazi regime, hosted the Olympic games in 1936. The question is made to make you think. If Nazi Germany bid and won the chance to be host city of the Olympics, what are the games really about? Are they about sport, brotherhood, and becoming "Swifter, Higher, Stronger"? Is the most important thing, as it has been said, the opportunity to take part? I dare say the answer to these questions is a glaring 'no.' The Olympic games, in my opinion, are really about money, politics, and power. If current American President/neo-conservative, war-mongering douchenozzle George W. Bush is able to recognize that China has one of the most sickening records of human rights violations, I can't be the only person whose stomach turns at the thought that international competitions like the Olympics are allowed to be hosted by nations with fascist regimes. Naturally, we could open another can of worms in discussing the nations who have hosted the Olympics under outright or implied fascist governments, but I'll probably bore people to tears.

The Chinese Women's (or pre-pubescent girl's) Olympic gymnastics team won the gold medal a few days ago. I can't be the only one who was surprised by that, either, considering Chinese children are chosen as toddlers to become athletes and taken from their parents for training. I've placed the following photo under a cut for those with weak stomachs and hearts:

Running back to Saskatoon

2008-08-14T03:28:56Z

We arrived in Saskatoon tonight amid more shit weather (does the sun ever shine in Saskatchewan?). My back is killing me from endless laps around West Edmonton Mall. The drive took forever to get here. I dropped some serious cash at H&M and have had only slight buyer's remorse.

Some days I feel like an incredible drain on society for not having a job, but other days I feel totally at peace with the decision. I feel mostly guilty and afraid, though- Teleperformance still hasn't gotten my record of employment to me. It's been almost three weeks, and the EI office sort of needs that as soon as possible to process my application. The Canadian Charter says that they are supposed to have it to me within five days of job termination. Legally, there isn't much that can be done, though- Service Canada has an form you can fill out and submit so that they can go after your former employer for the record, but you can only submit it after having waited two weeks. I've been out of town since Sunday, so I can't do much. That factors into the guilt I feel over going on this trip- I could have stayed home and gotten more accomplished, right? But what? Teleperformance insists that it's been in the mail since last Friday. I feel even worse that I'm going on the convention trip a few days after I get home from this one, but I committed to it and pulling out now would make me a total asshole.

I miss Matty a lot and he misses me, too. I think he's freaking out a little, and wish I could ease his mind. I'm a little homesick and covered in sunburn as well as mosquito bites (they're bad here- it's been a wet summer). We're in Saskatoon and might be for two nights- my sister has tons of work to do in Wainwright (about two and a half hours west) tomorrow, and there's not a lot of legit places to stay between here the 'Peg again. I'm going to explore Saskatoon by myself tomorrow.

I don't feel great about anything tonight. It feels like I need to sit and have a good cry but I don't even know where to do that- there's nowhere that I can be alone. It's like I wish that I could go home but that home doesn't feel as secure as it used to.

Sorry folks.

Love,
Stephenie

Gondolas and sunburns.

2008-08-13T01:47:23Z

As you may or may not be aware, I am on the move. I left on Sunday and got into Winnipeg after a forty-five minute flight. It's no surprise that I am not studying to be an astronaut since I can hardly stand heights and get airsick. I didn't puke on this flight, though, which was relieving. My sister picked me up and the airport, we stopped for snacks, and headed out. We got into Regina, Saskatchewan that night in the midst of the worst thunderstorm I've ever witnessed. I mean, lightning touched down in the fields of wheat we drove next to along the highway. I thought it might never stop raining. It did, though.

We left Regina super early and drove through Saskatche-yawn. Allison had to stop and do some work in a field of oats in Taber, Alberta. I helped! There were tons of bugs and I got sunburned in under fifteen minutes beneath a completely overcast sky. She finished up and we drove into Calgary (which, by the way, is just 'meh'). We stayed in Calgary last night and visited their Chinook Centre- it's a mall. The Chinook Centre is kind of like every other shopping mall you've ever been to, except it has a Sephora (the high-end makeup superstore) and a MAC store. I mostly just tested things out because I know that we're going to West Edmonton Mall tomorrow and I wanted to figure out which brand has the highest quality glitter liner. Looks like Urban Decay beats out Too Faced. I'm not too old for glitter liner, either- they had a big display in Sephora called "Glitter for Those 40+," and it looked nice on the allegedly 40+ lady, so I think it'll be okay.

I have some fantastic in-ear, noise-cancelling earbuds that I brought along for my travels. Naturally, I lost the little rubber doo-da in the oat field I was in the other day, so now it's like a hard plastic nub that doesn't stay in and certainly doesn't cancel noise. I went to the Best Buy here in Red Deer today, and was not totally surprised to find that you cannot purchase the replacement little rubber guys. I had to buy new buds because being without music or buds to plug into my PSP is not an option. I got Skullcandy and hope that they're as good.

Today Allison and I went to Banff. I know what you're thinking- it's a tourist trap. You're totally right- there are millions of gift shops and people wandering around taking pictures at any given time. Tour buses are the apparent vehicle of choice. I realized that Banff is a tourist trap because it's the closest thing to what Christians call "Heaven" but it's here, on earth, in Canada to be precise. We wandered around for hours and picked up some things for people (a polar bear-shaped license plate for Rick's garage, a super-swell Zig Zag tee for Matty) and then spotted the Gondola. We drove around the golf course/resort area for about an hour trying to find the Gondola entry and were finally directed to the right street by a friendly local. Taking the Gondola up Sulfur Mountain costs $26 dollars a person and judging by the amount of people there today, the person that owns it doesn't have an financial worries plaguing his or herself. The ride and experience is fantastic and worth every cent. Allie and I got to the top and went up a walking trail to the very peak. There is also a meandering hiking trail that is literally cut into the side of the mountain, but we decided to forgo the hike since flip flops were the shoe du jour. Many photos were taken and will be posted once I get home.

In addition to getting sunburn on my chest the other day, my face is also now sexy 'n red from all the outdoor walking done in Banff. We're hungry, though, and tired. I'll talk to you again tomorrow.

Love

Veni Vidi Vicious

2008-08-10T01:59:15Z

Today I listened to the most recent album by The Hives, "The Black and White Album," and it's fantastic. I can't believe I didn't listen to it sooner. Trust me, you NEED IT to LIVE. While I was previously only 99% jealous that Joan got to see them live this year, I'm now 110% jealous of her. Also, I suppose I'm the last person on earth who knew that Howlin' Pelle Almqvist had his own show on Sirius Radio.

Before you say to yourself, "Oh Stephenie, will you shut the front door about albums I should listen to already?" I would even go as far as to say that I would pay cold hard cash for this one, and that's saying a lot coming from a girl who hasn't got a job.

Canadian Police love their tazers.

2008-08-08T12:55:08Z

Four Mounties pin down and taze a sixteen year old girl.

This news broke at the end of July, right around the time Manitoba cops killed a boy with a tazer. I didn't really need another reason to distrust and hate police 'authority,' but there you have it. Both this teen and the one that was killed were of Native descent, as well. Wait until you get to the part that tells about where the sixteen year old girl was tazered.

*shudder*

elaine_cixous @ 2008-08-07T12:35:00

2008-08-07T16:44:35Z

You should probably be listening to Deerhunter, which I'm embarassed to say I only first heard last weekend when Bonnie's boyfriend Ian was stupefyingly drunk when we played Cattan and made Eric put his ipod on the stereo.

I had my appointment at YES today for them to proofread my application to the MTCU for funding. The woman I had initially seen was not available today, so I saw someone else named Kendra. She has hilarious shit in her office like a picture frame that says "Happiness is marrying your best friend," and whatnot. Kind of like Matty's tyrant mother who just adores things that say "Moms are like buttons- they hold things together," etc. Anyhow, she began reading my application and the first words out of her mouth were:

"You did the wrong application."

/HULKSMASH

You know what? Fuck it. I fixed most of it in the office there, but I'm sure as hell not holding my breath on this one. I just really, really don't want to work again. At least I know that since I've worked in the Ninth Circle of Hell, nothing can ever be worse.

I am excited to purchase a case of SoyJoy bars at the organic market in W'Peg when I get there. Nom.

Love,
Stephenie

It's J-Rock, Baby.

2008-08-07T04:22:34Z

The past two days have involved a lot of sitting at my desk, working on my application for Second Career, a federal program that sponsors unemployed folks returning to work. It's different than having EI pay for your education insofar as it covers people who have already applied to school or been accepted, but lost their jobs afterwards. Unlike EI, they do not pay for the full amount of tuition, books, and 'life expenses,' but a portion of the expenses associated with school. By the way, the application is over twenty-five pages long and requires that you make at least three 'industry contacts,' where you get the name and number of people who currently work in your desired field, at least three job ads for employment in your field (they HAVE to be in town), and write an introductory letter saying why you think you deserve funding. Don't forget that the application has pages upon pages of "long answer" questions, has you divulge the economic status of every person who resides in your home, etc. etc. It's been gruelling, and tomorrow I go back to YES Employment where my application, in its entirety, is proofread twice and then submitted to a committee who takes at least a month to make a decision concerning your economic and scholastic future.

In all honesty, I moved the old clunker laptop upstairs in front of the television, where I typed out my replies to the 'long answer' questions, and today I copied them down onto the application itself. I've kept myself entertained with Trailer Park Boys, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Wildboyz (which it turns out I LOVE because I get to see all kinds of crazy wildlife and hear immature jokes), Jeopardy, The Hour, The Daily Show, etc. It's the largest amount of television I've watched in the last few months. Today I watched the episode of Trailer Park Boys when the boys come home from jail and are after Cory and Trevor for spending their money. I don't often laugh out loud watching t.v., but when Ricky goes to J-Rock's place and takes back all of the recording equipment and the synthesizer starts repeating "It's J-Rock, Baby! It's J-Rock, Baby!," I woke up the dog with my laughing.

My flight is on Sunday around noon. I won't be back until the following Monday... I think it's the eighteenth? Anyhow, I'll be gone for just over a week and will keep in touch while I'm on the road. When I get back, I have less than four days until I leave for the tattoo convention in the states. I'm already sort of apprehensive about being away for that long because I'm used to seeing my Matty nearly every day. He'll be fine because he's got Dono, Jon, Chris, and his buddies, but I might end up just short of insane from spending that much time in close proximity to my sister. I'm sure it'll also be a welcome break for him from putting up with my insane anxiety over my EI and Second Career applications the past few weeks. With Angie out of town for the summers, he also gets to listen to girly bitching, makeup talk, and serious clothing discussions.

"Gave up burgers? That's crazy talk, Randy!"
-Phil

Stella Light? If I had some money, I'd give it a try.

Love,
Stephenie

Emma Goldman

2008-08-04T11:58:25Z

Dear Emma Goldman,

You were a great lady.
Learn about her.

I often wonder what you would do if you knew about how the American White House, Republican party, and neoconservatives are trying to take away women's access to birth control altogether. The reason I wish I knew what you'd do is so that I could try to make a difference, too. I didn't know you and don't want to make assumptions concerning exactly what you'd say or write or how you'd take action, but it is definitely something I think about. Yourself and women like Margaret Sanger took us (women) one giant step forward, and North American politics are trying to make us take two steps back. I refuse to do so.

My interest in you was revitalized after reading my boyfriend's copy of "The Portable Atheist" last night. It is a collection of essays, papers, poems, and excerpts from all famous non-believers. You're in it. It's great.

Love,
Stephenie

Poorest taste, ever.

2008-08-03T04:57:47Z

...And the award for lack of taste and moral capacity in advertising goes to- DeBeers!

Yay!

2008-08-01T14:43:11Z

xtruexlovex:

I've kind of always loved Heather Matarazzo since Welcome to the Dollhouse

Encounters with the former-employer's bullshit.

2008-07-31T19:13:11Z

Yesterday I went to my old place of work to pick up my Record of Employment. Though it had not yet been a full week since Teleperformance and I had parted ways, I figured I'd just check in and see if it was ready. I encountered a young woman who I refer to as "Mini-Maura," but whose name is actually Andrea. She is a complete and utter tool, much like the rest of the human resources department and management not only at the Thunder Bay site, but at all Teleperformance sites everywhere (more on that later).

Me: Hi, I'm here to pick up my Record of Employment.

Mini-Maura: It's being mailed to you from Belleville.

Me: But, the federal government says that it is to be in my hands within seven days of leaving.

Mini-Maura: The documentation we have says it will be either five days or at the time of the next pay period.

Me: *bewildered look*

Mini-Maura: It's being mailed from Belleville.

Me: But I need it now.

Mini-Maura: You know that you can file your EI claim without the Record, right?

Me: Yes, I have already filed my claim, but nothing will happen until the government has my Record of Employment.

Mini-Maura: Well, it's being mailed from Belleville.

Me: Okay. If it's not in my hands by the end of next week, you'll be hearing from the Federal government next.

Mini-Maura: It's certainly your right to go that route.

*****OOOOooohhhhhhh SNAP, BITCH! I can guarantee you that I am aware of my rights as much as I'm aware that this place has violated them time and time again.***** (I did not say this part but wish I would have)

Me: Well, thanks for nothing!

My mom (who was with me the whole time): *loud voice* My, look at all those HAPPY employees! (said as she looked into the centre through the glass doors).

/end scenario

AAAARRRGHHH! COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER! I hate these people with every fibre of my being. The white hot rage that boils inside of me overflows at the mere thought of having to deal with Teleperformance again. The trouble is that I reviewed a pay stub of mine when I got home yesterday and realized that they don't even have the right address, which means my Record of Employment is going some place that I don't live. This morning I woke up and started calling Belleville's number- it's ten after three, and I still haven't spoken to a live person. All of their departments- human resources, payroll, general inquires- have voicemail boxes that answer for them. At first I left nice messages but about an hour ago I began leaving slightly heated messages. I don't know what to do. No one has returned my call about getting the correct address on my Record of Employment before it's mailed out. I called Service Canada to let them know, and they say to wait another week. I'm a little panicky. Tack on the extensive, life-consuming application I have to work on and research to get government funding/sponsorship for school (due next week), and you'll see that I'm not nearly as relaxed as one who is unemployed ought to be.

Sorry that this was 100% bitching.

Love,
Stephenie

My uterus/fallopian tubes/ovaries, my choice.

2008-07-31T03:48:15Z

I don't want kids. My mother has sort of begun cutting into my sister and I because neither of us have a fondness for children nor a desire to give birth to any of our own at any time. While I understand my mother's concern and point of view (she's just 'trying to look out for us,' etc.), I don't understand how it is the world's greatest tragedy that I don't want to get pregnant ever and don't want a baby of my own. First of all, since no one cares to stop me in my tracks to make sure my liver is functioning to the best of its ability or vehemently (super-duper-crazily) protests the manner in which I use or don't use my pancreas, I don't see why or how it is anyone's business to openly discuss my 'fertility' and reproductive organs with me. In fact, you could say I think it is downright crass, demoralizing, and socially inept for one to do so. Secondly, I have no personal desire to breed because, especially at this time, it is not a choice that fits my life or what I have envisioned for my future. People will tend to use the argument that, you know, I should want to have someone carry on the family 'name' or traits and that North America actually has a declining birth rate, so I should jump on the bandwagon and git m'self knocked up. My argument for that point is that perhaps people have begun to realize just how expensive it is to raise a child and have chosen to happily enjoy their significant other or single life without having to worry about the responsibility of raising a new human being. Greedy, you say? I think not. I think, rather, that childless couples know what they want as much as couples who choose to have children do- it's just different. Let's go ahead and celebrate our differences, right? And while we're at it, please remember to avoid the frowny-face "No kids?" question next time you meet a successful woman who is (or isn't) in a committed relationship- because it really isn't anyone's business besides hers.

On the topic, please read:
http://jezebel.com/5030801/having-kids-sometimes-the-answer-is-just-no

I got a hair cut tonight. My bangs are back but with more of a Jane Birkin (circa 1960s) look to them. It's cool because it's a huge difference but I didn't have to cut a ton of length off the rest of my hair.

I am slated to leave for the 'Peg on August 11th, and leave from Winnipeg onto greater and flatter things the day after with my sister.

I've been catching up on previous episodes/seasons of Heroes in anticipation of the new season. I can't lie- I wish Hiro were a real person and that I could hang out with him for a few days. I think that would be swell.

Calleigh's snoring in my bed. I'm going to go join her.

Love,
Stephenie.